I’m sitting at my kitchen table gazing out the window into the swirly snow flakes as they drift to the ground…and sticks. Ugh! Amy and I have a book signing today at an ice cream shop….An ice cream shop! I hope that although the new flowers are fringed in white and the wind is blowing the trees like crazy, people will still come. Amy has worked so hard on booking our signings. She is on it! Me, well I’m more in the background. I do the books, I come up with ideas, and I write letters and answer emails. She is our public voice. I am her cheerleader.

My oldest daughter is back from college for the weekend. Her first year of college is almost done. I can’t believe it. The time has flown for her. I am so proud of her. She sees her future and she is working towards it. She wants to be a nurse. She has known this for a pretty long time. She is lucky. Like it says in our books, she found her passion, she is going for it.

I’ve always wanted to be a teacher, an educator. I love sparking enlightenment in the minds of my students. I love building the rigor they need to complete assignments to the best of their abilities. Not for the tests, but for themselves. I’m finding that I really like the motivational part of education. As I explore my thoughts and feelings, which it seems I have been doing a lot lately, I just really enjoy turning students and now teachers around. I want them to know that they can do it, that they are the professionals. The children are professional students while in school no matter their age. They have to realize that they have responsibilities and that they have to rise to the challenge. If they expect to get paid (in their case with information, skills, and growing intelligence) then they have to be willing to work for it. And if they don’t, well, it’s on them. Like any boss, it’s up to the teacher to provide the training, the background information, and the tools needed for the employee (the student) to achieve success. As an administrator, the job or the responsibility is to instill a feeling of capability in the teachers. They have been trained. They have the experience. And hopefully they have the passion to do a great job, the rigor to withstand the constant demands and expectations of their job to make it through the day, the week, they year, in an extremely challenging career. It’s my job to make sure they KNOW that they can do it. That they know their kids, in an educational sense, better than anyone.

My mind is drifting and flying around without any clear finishing point. I feel a bit lost and I don’t know where I’m supposed to end up. It’s weird. I know what I’m passionate about. I know what I love to do. I know where I wanted to go. I just don’t know if I’m meant to get there.

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A year for teachers is very different than a year for any other working stiff. A year for a teacher starts in August and goes until the last student leaves on the last day of school. For Amy and I, that’s in June.

It’s been a very, very, very long year. I can honestly say that I am exhausted from the tips of my toes to the top of my head. It has been a tough one. The transition from teacher to administrator was quite easy for many reasons. I felt I had a lot of support from the teachers and the office staff is fantastic. I enjoy getting to know parents better and developing communication. I like answering questions for teachers and watching them doing wonderful things in their classes. I like arranging PD and being on external accreditation teams. I love working with other administrators and hearing their views on issues at their schools. I absolutely love focusing on a whole school and not only one classroom. I think my colleagues see the passion in me and they trust that I’ll try really hard every single day.

Now to the challenges. I miss the relationships I had with the kids. Although I am still teaching a class, these kids really know me. I miss that strong development of new relationships; understanding the students I haven’t taught before, understanding their strengths and weaknesses and striving to get them to want to succeed…my way. I miss the development of new and awesome lessons and the absorption that demands. I miss the research and going to the teacher store in search of the next new teacher’s guide and instructional tool. I miss teaching.

I’m struggling with my calling right now. What do I want to do with the rest of my life in education? I love writing with Amy and now sharing our books with parents, children, and other teachers. I love developing, researching, and sharing with other educators. I love brainstorming on accreditation and the best ways to solve complex problems. I just don’t know how to do it all and how to do it all great. Where do I want to focus? Where am I being led?

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